Building a Marital Bridge

A Love Letter
adapted from John Grey

To write a Love Letter to your partner, find a private spot and express your feelings.

  1. Address the letter to your partner. Pretend you are being listened to with love and understanding.
  2. Start with anger, then sadness, then fear, then regret and then love. Include all five sections in your letter.
  3. You may want to use a word processor so that you can keep going back and adding to what you wrote.
  4. Write all the feelings you have for each section. Speak in simple terms. The goal is to express all of your feelings.
  5. After each section, pause and notice your feelings for the next one.
  6. Do not stop until you get to the love. Be patient and wait for the love to come out.
  7. Sign your name at the end. Take a few moments and think about what you want and need. Write it in a PS.


You may sound unloving, filled with old negative emotions when you are trying to communicate with your spouse. A love letter gives you a chance to release and heal the negative emotions and allow your positive feelings to return.

You can approach your spouse without blame and criticism, being more centered and loving. You will be better able to understand your spouse's feelings and point of view.

Your odds of being accepted and accepting then increase.

Try a love letter for your own relief, even if you never choose to share it with your spouse.

"Whether you share the feelings in your letter or you just write the letter to feel better, writing down your feelings is an essential tool." - John Gray, p. 207

Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Gray, Ph.D.

This book was published by HarperCollins in New York in 1992. The Love Letter format is on page 211.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus


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