Four Levels of Communication

(Look for what is best for all concerned!)

 

4th Level of Communication
Do like
 
  Task Involved
Affirming the person
Confirming they got it right
 
  Typical Statement
"Thank you! I like this"
 
  Typical Reaction
"You're welcome!"
--> Satisfaction
  Rationale
Helps to sustain the relationship and the behavior desired
 
3rd Level of Communication
Would Like
 
  Task Involved
Scanning your feelings
Making requests to improve things
 
  Typical Statement
"When ______________"
"I feel _______________"
"because ____________"
"I'd like _____________"
"Will you ___________?"
 
  Typical Reaction
If "Yes" - then go to level 4

If "No" - then negotiate
If not that, then what?
If not now, then when?
If not you, then who?
If not here, then where?
If not this way, then how?
If not for this reason, why?

  Rationale
Helps to recognize needs and get them fulfilled
Feelings are indisput-
able; they just are.
space space space space space
2ne Level of Communication
Don't like
 
  Task Involved
Observing the situation
Complaining about it
 
  Typical Statement
"You are a ____________!"
 
  Typical Reaction
"I am not!" = DEFENSIVE
"So are you!" = COUNTERATTACK
"I don't care." = WITHDRAWAL
  Rationale
Does not help, but it's easy and almost automatic.

Opinions are debatable.

 
1st Level of Communication
Conspiracy of Silence
 
  Task Involved
Protecting "the innocent"
Avoiding conflict
 
  Typical Statement
{Nothing at all, just a thought}
{"Let's not be ugly or talk!"}
 
  Typical Reaction
{Nothing at all, just a thought}
{"Okay with me. Whew!"}
---> Dissatisfaction
  Rationale
Does not help, but not one has to be the bad guy.

"If you can't say something nice,…"

Read about the "I" Message Format.

 

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Dr. Ray Smith

DrRay

Ray Wm. Smith, Ed.D
9507 N Division Street Suite A
Spokane, WA 99218-1556

Phone: (509) 466-6632
Fax: (509) 466-0117
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