Questions to Build Intimacy with Your Spouse
Robert & Pamela Crosby, Colorado Springs: Focus on the Family, 1996

Helpful Hints for your Marriage

p. 10 "You should never stop chasing the person you marry." Cleave unto his wife means to pursue hard. "Too often after the knot is tied, the life in a relationship begins to die because a man and woman stop pursuing one another."

p. 30 How to interpret a spouse's comments:

When she says… What she really means…
"We need…" I want…
"It's your decision." The correct decision should be obvious by now!
"Do what you want." You'll pay for this later!
"Nothing is wrong. Everything is wrong.
"I'll be ready in a minute." Take off your shoes and find a game on TV.
"Am I fat?" Tell me I'm beautiful.
"You're certainly attentive tonight." Is sex all you ever think about?

When he says…

What he really means…
"You look nice tonight." I want to have sex.
"Boy, am I hungry." Make me something to eat & serve it to me on the couch.
"It's too expensive." You could get a neat computer for that!
"I have a surprise" I bought something really stupid.
"Why don't you get a job?" You bought something really stupid.
"Are you still awake?" I want to have sex again.
"Why don't you stop working?" You're always too tired for sex.

p. 36 John Gray taught women:

  • When men become uncaring or distant, usually they're afraid of something.
  • Men are more naturally motivated to achieve goals that to absorb moments.
  • Men fear nothing more than failure.
  • Men are motivated by feeling significant.
  • Men want to manage their own problems.
  • Men want to "get to the bottom line."
  • Men tend to report more than converse.


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Dr. Ray Smith


Ray Wm. Smith, Ed.D
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