In Marriage Counseling

    • I ask the husband and the wife to list the issues that brought them to counseling
    • I ask them to assess their commitment to the marriage and to marriage counseling
    • And to describe their vision of the result(s) they want by the end of their counseling
 
Usually, the treatment plan is for each of them to work on becoming their best selves, as well as on improving their interpersonal relationship. I have studied with John Gottman, the leading researcher on the dissolution of marriage, who runs the "Love Lab" at the University of Washington in Seattle. I also like the ideas of Willard Harley, who wrote about the needs of husbands and wives, and what erodes the "love bank account" of spouses. Spouses can learn to be irresistible, to love what they are giving and getting in their marriage, and to envision their Golden Anniversary as a wonderful example of a mature love and relationship for their friends and family.
 

Married Resources

  • A Cheat List for Men

    How to Ignite Passion, Joy and Excitement in the Woman You Love By Ellen Kreidman, New York: Dell, 1991 Light Her Fire: Don't try these ideas unless you want nights of sensuous pleasure, adventure...

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  • A Love Letter

    Building a Marital Bridge A Love Letteradapted from John Grey To write a Love Letter to your partner, find a private spot and express your feelings. Address the letter to your partner. Pretend you are...

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  • His Needs, Her Needs

    A Premarital Counseling Program His Needs, Her Needs: A Summary for Reflection Together {from Harley, W. F., Jr. 1986. Old Tappan, N.J.: Fleming H. Revell. Pages 176-177} The Irresistible Man Any...

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  • How to Live Happily Together

    Resources for a Happy Marriage   Healthy Relationships Unhealthy Relationships Communication is open, honest sharing; active listening with real interest in others Isolation: apathy and lack of...

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  • K.I.S.S. PLAN

    Keep It Something Special Fan the Flame of Marital Love   Adapted from The Ten Second Kiss by Ellen Kreidman, Los Angeles: Renaissance, 1998 Components of the Plan: The Ten-Second Kiss The Five-Second...

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  • Marital Frustrations

    Marital Frustrations: A Sample Worksheet 1. Write Frustrating Event What you do that frustrates me is…   2. Write Feeling Response And then I feel… What Actually Happened You Came Home Late Emotions -...

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  • Nag! Nag! Nag!

    Nag! Nag! Nag! Adapted from Beth Wolfensberger Singer in Health, April 2000; Vol. 14, #3, pp. 84-88 Beth quit nagging. She used to be a nag. "Nagging, in fact, many be one of a wife's chief duties."...

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  • Recommendations for a Stable Marriage

    Adapted from What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes By John M. Gottman; Hillsdale, H.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1994 Speculations about the prescription...

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  • Resources for a Happy Marriage

    Resources for a Happy Marriage "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life" then don't do what the songs recommend; do what research has proven works. John Gottman, PhD. at UW, has studied...

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  • Soothing

    A marriage made in heaven needs stars who can self-soothe A star at soothing anger responds to rudeness with "My poor spouse must've had a bad day. I wonder what's gone wrong?" You can approach life...

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  • The Blessing

    A tool for the Spiritual Head Gary Smalley and John Trent wrote a book about the five things people need in their families. They compared them to the five things a plant needs: air, light, water,...

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  • Tools for Marriage

    Gottman's Toolbox The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington, has spent two decades trying to develop the tools to keep your marriage...

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  • Wedding Plan Worksheet

    A Premarital Counseling Program Wedding Plans IMPORTANT! Download the printable version  of this form. The Form below is INACTIVE and ONLY used to display field references to you for ideas. Bride:...

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  • What Predicts Divorce

    What Predicts Divorce? The Relationship Between Marital Processes and Marital Outcomes By John M. Gottman;Hillsdale, H.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum, 1994 The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse   The four most...

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Dr. Ray Smith

DrRay

Ray Wm. Smith, Ed.D
9507 N Division Street Suite A
Spokane, WA 99218-1556

Phone: (509) 466-6632
Fax: (509) 466-0117
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